Methadone is Recovery!

Hey.  I plan on writing a proper update in a little bit, but for now I wanted to share (and hopefully further) a discussion on what I think is a very important topic. I am probably going to talk a lot about Methadone in this blog. Methadone is a central part of my life and my recovery at this time and is also a topic of much debate in the recovery community. I am very interested in facilitating and participating in civil discussions on the topic as well, so please do not hesitate to comment with your opinions and thoughts.  I wanted to post a comment I made on an article I found earlier today.

Tami writes, [...] "I found Methadone & have been sober since 3-21-11. The program saved my life, and I am grateful to be on it. Without it I might be dead! Thank you for reading this, and if you know anyone who struggles with a heroin or pill addiction, please remember this and recommend METHADONE. I have and I have saved a few lives. If you really want to be sober and find a program that works,find the Methadone clinic closest to you and just follow the program. Not only did I get sober, but I learned how to live sober..Getting clean is the easy part.. staying clean..changing your lifestyle..it takes time and the rewards are great."[...]
 
- An excerpt from Methadone Saved My Life by Tami Ash on Addicted To Sobriety , found on @SobrietyAddict

Here's what I wrote in response to Tamis' story.

"Methadone - It works if you work it - Approach with caution and be honest with yourself!
Methadone is not something that should be taken lightly. It's kind of like how in the rooms we say 'it works if you work it', methadone works, but only if it is used as prescribed and taken seriously.  Methadone is a very strong opiate and needs to be regarded as such. 
I have been on methadone twice in my life.  I was a heroin addict first and foremost but I also drank, smoked crack, did meth (and pretty much anything else I could use to destroy my body and my mind) for eight years prior to my current sobriety.  The first time I was on methadone I did not take the program seriously.  I took way too much, raising my dose whenever possible, and also used other drugs including heroin occasionally while on the program.  I drank constantly.  I was not at all serious about recovery and made no attempts to quit using.  I basically just dosed so I wouldn't have to worry about ever being dope sick.  Things have been very different this time around because I have finally realized that I have a serious problem and that I cannot continue to live my life that way.
There are strict rules regarding drug use and mixing drugs / alcohol with methadone at all methadone clinics.  Mixing alcohol with your dose, using opiates with it, or taking benzos (benzodiazapenes - aka anxiety meds like klonopin or zanax)  on top of your dose can be extremely dangerous and can lead to fatal overdoses.  A lot of people drink or take benzos to potentiate the 'downer' effects of methadone. Not only does this defeat the purpose of getting on methadone in the first place, but I really cannot overstate how dangerous it is.  When your clinic tells you not to drink / take benzos, listen to them!  It could save your life to abstain from mixing methadone and illegal drugs / alcohol.
Methadone is not supposed to get you high, if it does you are probably taking too much.  The first time I was on a clinic I got up to 180mgs a day.  Now I am on 48mgs. a day and slowly tapering off of the medication.  Though I have been offered the opportunity to raise my dose many times since I started this new clinic I have refused every time and kept my dose at a high of 50mgs. a day.  This amount of methadone has been enough to prevent physical withdrawals for me and that is why I am on the dose in the first place, taking any more than necessary, to me is the same as using.  It's all about your intent.  If you want to be on methadone to get fucked up or avoid being dope sick while still doing dope or other opiates, don't waste your time.  If you want to be on it to take the first step towards your recovery from opiate addiction, methadone can be a very powerful tool, just please do your research first.
I am currently working the 12 steps in AA.  I have a sponsor.  I told her about being on methadone but I do not openly share this information with other people in the rooms.  Many AA members, even more so with NA, are against drug replacement therapies like methadone and suboxone.  NA has published articles specifically referring to methadone and stating that taking methadone as prescribed by a doctor is synonymous with using in the eyes of the NA program.  AA, to my knowledge, has not published any such articles and they seem to have a more lenient view on the subject.  I personally consider it to be an 'outside issue', like taking meds for depression or bipolar, or taking prescribed pain meds for an injury; thus no ones business but my own and possibly my sponsors.  It's up to you whether or not you want to disclose this to other members of your AA or NA group, just do not be surprised if you encounter some negative viewpoints, stigmatization, or even discrimination.  Worst case scenario, you may be excluded from sharing in NA or even told to leave a particular group, if you share that you are on a methadone program.  I am very lucky to have an exceptionally understanding and kind woman as my AA sponsor, even so I was still very afraid of being rejected or judged by her when I told her I am on methadone.  It is an issue some people in the rooms feel very strongly about.
Personally I do believe that methadone saved my life.  I would not have been able to kick the heroin habit that was destroying every aspect of my life without methadone.  Now that I am also working the steps in Alcoholics Anonymous I feel that I have built a support system for myself that will allow me to safely taper off of methadone without relapsing on heroin. Some people choose to stay on methadone maintenance for years, some people even stay on it for the rest of their lives, still others make the switch to suboxone or get a private doctor to prescribe methadone pills or wafers.  I have my own reasons for wanting to limit my time on the clinic, and I will again urge you to do your research into the side effects of methadone before you start on a program.
Methadone tapers are a very slow process as methadone withdrawal can be dangerous and there is no such thing as a painless taper.  I am taking the process very slowly, dropping a mg. a week, to make the process go as smoothly as possible.  The last time I was on methadone I got kicked out of the program without a medical taper and had to jump off 50mgs. cold turkey.  Even at such a low dose as compared to my high of 180mgs. it was a hellish experience, extremely painful, and it lasted almost two months before I started to experience any relief.  Needless to say, after two weeks of continuous physical withdrawal, I ended up relapsing. My heart was never in it that first time, I have a lot more strength and a support system to rely on now, and I believe that I can effectively taper off of methadone and be 100% clean and drug free without it.  I need to keep in mind however that detoxing off methadone is extremely difficult no matter how long or slow the process. I am doing my best to pace myself this time to prevent relapsing or backsliding in my recovery progress. 
I feel that it is very important to pair methadone treatment with another form of support such as AA / NA meetings or working with a therapist.  I myself am doing all three and it is working out very well for me.  Right now I am experiencing the most success I have ever had in a recovery attempt, I feel genuinely committed to my sobriety and am giving myself the time and space needed to do the steps right.  Having a support system and coping mechanisms to deal with the difficulties of early sobriety is absolutely essential to any addicts recovery.
For eight years, almost constantly (a couple of breaks here and there but no really lasting clean time), I was a homeless junkie.  I was sleeping in alleyways or abandoned buildings, traveling from state to state to escape myself and my many failures, and shooting up in space toilets (sf speak for automated outdoor public bathrooms), crack dens, and public parks. I begged for change, stole from stores, and sold my body to support my ever-increasing, ever more expensive, and ever destructive addiction. I was dirty, rail thin, and covered in track marks and abcesses. I hated myself and was basically killing myself very slowly from day to day. My family and friends had all given up on me and I had all but given up on myself.  It took the understanding that I was going to die from my addiction without ever realizing any of my dreams or goals to get me to admit that I needed help.  I didn't know how to live any other way, I just knew that I could not continue the way I was going, so I had to surrender my life to my higher power (as I understand it) wholly and completely. I had to allow myself to hope for a better life even though I couldn't even imagine what that might look like. Methadone was the first step towards building that better life for myself, joining AA was the next step.
If I can get clean, I know for a fact that anyone can, it's just a matter of seeking out and using the tools that are available to you.  Like I said before, it really does work... if you work it! 
Good luck and God bless to those of you who are still suffering and to all of my friends out there working their recovery."

More later, thanks for reading and please continue the discussion either here or at the original article page if you have anything to add.
PS - I have a twitter account now so feel free to follow me if you are so inclined and I shall return the favor. @Zenith_Chasing